The Sisterhood of the Travelling Chemo bag

Today I would like to talk about a special friend and cousin and a chemo bag.  The night before I was to start my first chemo session a new friend and fellow cancer club member arrived at my door with a beautiful black bag with an assortment of goodies inside.  She called it her "chemo bag". It was given to her and meant to bring her comfort and warmth as she went for treatments.  A fuzzy blanket, some soothing tea and some other things.  I used that chemo bag every time I went for a treatment.  I found great comfort and strength knowing that someone else wrapped themself in that blanket and was going through exactly the same thing I was. 
The contents of the chemo bag has grown- I have added hats, books that were given to me, a prayer shawl and of course the fuzzy blanket.  The chemo bag was given to a friend to comfort her and she recently gave it back to me. 
I wish I could say that the bag is in my closet collecting dust but it isn't.  Two weeks ago I had to ship that bag to my cousin Fio.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer and her first treatment was on Friday.
I wish I could be there with you Fio but I know that this bag will bring you some peace.  As you begin this journey I want you to know that you are loved. You sent me much love and light during my active treatment and you were there for me and now I will be there for you.   May you find comfort in that blanket when you wrap it around you and know that there were 3 other very strong women before you fighting the fight.   In yoga we do a pose called Warrior and everytime I do it I think "that's me- a warrior".  And that is you too.  We are warriors. I love you.

Molly Hope-our newest family member

Hi everyone
So not having blogged for almost a year and a half I am having some difficulty actually getting started.  I am not sure where I should start- should I try to fill everyone in on whats been going on or should I just jump in and stay in the present.  I think that's the best.  So I will begin by saying that this past September I did return to the classroom on a part time basis.  I am finding it both exciting and exhausting.  I love being back in the real world, love the daily interactions with staff and students but also find I just don't have the stamina like I did and by the time I go home all I want to do is hit the couch!  Oh, it just came to me!  I will start by telling you all about Molly!  Molly is our beautiful, energetic, loving and very smart labradoodle.  She is 16 months old and honestly, I can't imagine our family without her.  From the minute she was born (we were fortunate to see her at 9 days old) we knew she was ours and she has been welcomed with open arms.  All who see her love her, and she loves them!  Even Oma and Opa who always said they would never watch a dog for us have fallen head over heels! They even took her for a week this summer while we enjoyed some family vacation time. We finally caved into years of listening to our children whine and complain.  For many years Sarah would go to bed crying everynight for a dog and when she finally gave up Jake took up the fight. So I am not exaggerating when I say that we were harassed for years.  The deciding factor came when Jake looked at us one night soon after active treatment for me and he said "I know how we can celebrate you getting better- we should get a dog and we should call her Hope!"  How could we say no to that? We didn't go with Hope, she looked more like a Molly so she is now Molly Hope.
It doesn't matter if we are going outside for 2 minutes or 2 hours we always get greeted at the door with tail wagging and happy barking. I never thought I would say this but -every family needs a dog. She is truly a gift that we cherish. As I write this she is curled up at my feet on my bed- her favourite spot.  Now if we could just get the kids to stop complaining about taking her for walks. Take a look for yourself and you will agree- she is adorable

Reunited and it feels so good

Hi everyone
Yep, that's right.  I have decided to start blogging again.  I have been thinking about it alot lately and it has even been keeping me up at night that I decided there must be a reason why I am being called to write again.  So today I will start and see where it leads me.  Last night as I lay awake in bed (again) I thought about what my focus or theme would be for this blog and since I really couldn't think of one I thought I would just start.  SO HERE I GO!!!!
Stay tuned- I have so much to tell you!

"We need to be angels for each other, to give each other strength and consolation. Because only when we fully realize that the cup of life is not only a cup of sorrow but also a cup of joy will we be able to drink it."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

Hello everyone
First I wanted to let everyone know that I am doing well.  I have 11 radiation treatments left and I am relieved that this is coming to an end.  I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and have decided to stop blogging.  I am not really sure why I have decided this and it might be hard to explain so I will just tell you that it feels like this is the time to stop.  I have enjoyed blogging and have found it a wonderful way to let many people who care for me know how I am doing.  I hope that along the way I have helped some other people going through their own cancer battle as well.
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for being my angels along the way.  I have appreciated all of the support and love you have given me.  I could never do enough to pay you back for all that you have done but I can and will pay it forward. 
I know that this journey is not over for me and I am beginning to truly understand the scope and magnitude with which this has and will change my life.  It will be a new way of living not just for myself but for my family as well.  I am also beginning to understand that some days will be great and some will be challenging.  But that is what life is all about.  Being able to write about some of this experience has helped put some things into perspective and keep me focused on the positives in my life- and I do have so many. 


A friend is that other person with whom we can share our solitude, our silence, and our prayer. A friend is that other person with whom we can look at a tree and say, "Isn't that beautiful." With a friend we don't have to say or do something special. With a friend we can be still and know that God is there with both of us."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!

I wanted to take a minute out of this beautiful and sunny day to wish all of you a wonderful Mother's Day.  I am doing exactly what I want to be doing- working in the garden, listening to the birds and enjoying my family.  The past week has been an incredibly emotional one and I will write about that another time.  What I really want to share with you is a beautiful poem that my 12 year old presented to me this morning.  We know that Jake has writing talents but didn't know how well he could write poetry as well.  He read this poem to me this morning.  I think he did a wonderful job of expressing the emotions of not just him but all of us.

The Journey
by Jake

One normal November day,
While I was playing X box for as long as I could,
You called me up to talk to me,
I knew this couldn't be good.

Our family gathered at the table,
And out came the shocking words
Our family was changed forever,
When the words came out "cancer"

I screamed in my head,
"No", I thought "It can't be true"
But, yes it was and then
You told us what we had to do

A surgery, another
and chemotherapy,
After I heard all of this,
It started to scare me

All the sleepless nights
Scared as I could be,
I couldn't believe all this was happening,
to our family and me.

I'm sure you were as scared too
I'm sure that you were sad
But after all of this
I am sorta glad

This experience has made us stronger,
Inside and outside,
Our family has become closer,
together and forever.

Now today we stand,
stronger than we can be
Although one thing has changed
And that is your cute bald head!

My poem is almost complete
But one thing I didn't do
I didn't thank you for everything
That you always do,

Thanks for making supper,
thanks for cleaning my room,
Thank you for being there for me,
When I was in the blues.

I love you,
I always will
Until the very end
I love you mommy
I love you!

Happy Mothers Day and give your kids an extra hug today!

6 Down, 24 more to go!

I hope that everyone had a great Easter weekend.  Ours was great, filled with family, food and lots of chocolate- too much chocolate!
So I have now had 6 radiation treatments and 24 left to go.  It seems to be going okay right now.  All of my treatments are scheduled for the morning which is great because I get to be home to watch the kids play their after school  sports- although the weather has been so cold and rainy that I watch from the car!  I get to the hospital about 10 minutes before my scheduled appt.  Now that I bought a monthly parking pass and I have a permit that allows me to park in reserved oncology spots- parking is a breeze.  Good to know that I can claim all my parking fees on taxes- they sure are adding up!  I go straight into the radiation department.  They have 4 treatment rooms and each treatment room has a very large and extremely impressive radiationn machine.  They set me up in the same position everytime- so that takes awhile, but once they have the configurations all correct the radiation only takes about 5 minutes. It is painless, can't really feel anything, just large beeping and noises from the machine moving.  If they are not behind then I can be done in about 20 minutes.  Thank goodness I live close to the hospital- met some people who come in from Guelph and surrounding areas every day.
I feel okay, there is some tightening in the area that they radiated and it is starting to turn red.  This could stay the same or could get worse- time will tell.
I went for a walk today and saw my cancer posse friend Sue who I haven't seen in forever and she looks fantastic.  Her hair is grown in and it is so curly!  I can't wait.  So we got to talking about our recovery and how the side effects continue to affect us.  We both have the same achey legs and joints and our oncologists both told us it is from the chemo drugs and can take up to a year to go away.  It was good to talk to her!  You look great Sue and so glad you are done!!!
Tomorrow I am going out to lunch with 2 very good friends and I am excited!
I got some more news on the Run for the Cure that is taking place in October 2nd.  The team is registered and if you are interested in joining you can click on "Team Elena".  Remember that if you are in a different area you can run in your own city.  I will post what Lynn posted on her wall with info

What are you doing October 2nd?! Please join 'Team Elena' and run/walk for the cure. There are locations all over the country, so pick your location and register with our team. Team Elena is dedicated to Elena (my sister-in-law) who is currently beating cancer. The K-W Team Elena clan invites everyone to join our team: our goal is to have the biggest team in "run for the cure" history."
 Top 5 reasons sign up:
5) It's a fun day for the entire family
4) If you are a runner but have never yet done a run - this is a great first run to do.
3) If you are NOT a runner this is a great run to do as there are just as many ...walkers
2) ...It is so inspiring to see all the pink shirts (pink = survivor)
1) With 1:7 women getting this disease - chances are that either yourself, your wife, your mom, your sister or best friend will one day have breast cancer.

Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation CIBC Run for the Cure:

www.runforthecure.com

 

 

Wishing you well!!!

"Just Beat It"

Hi all
I know it has been a very long time but I have been enjoying the few weeks that I had to focus on other things in my life that have been seriously neglected for a very long time.  I was able to go out for dinner with friends and spent time with my family enjoying basketball games and hockey games.  I went shopping with Jenna for a prom dress and Jake and I had a special day together doing whatever he wanted to do.  Sarah and I are also planning a special day together soon.  I got my hands dirty digging in the soil and trying to coax the spring flowers up- of course that was only one day that we got nice enough weather to do that.  As I sit in the front room I am amazed at the amount of snow swirling around outside- enough already!  Rick and I took a day and went to TO to walk around the Distillery District and out for a nice lunch.  It was really nice.  Yesterday we went to my brother and sister in law's house to visit with them.  I haven't seen them since the start of chemo and it was so nice to chill out on their coach and be truly spoiled by them.  I had the best dinner of homemade pizza, rapini and sausage and peppers.  My brother is the best chef- no question about that! Thanks Joe and Wendy!
Some of my friends and myself got together last week for what I thought was going to be a dinner and movie night.  Turns out they had something up their sleeve!  We had the nice chinese dinner and then when they said let's watch a movie they disappeared one at a time to reappear with funny hats on their heads.  Then they turn on the DVD player and we begin to watch not a movie but a video of them dancing to the song "BEAT IT" by Michael Jackson.  Of course they changed the words of the song and it was so hilarious!  I will try to post it for you as soon as I get my kids to show me how!  I love it. They all wore the silliest hats and the funniest costumes.   Then they read a wonderful book to me called "The Lemonade Club" by Patricia Polacco.  She is a well known children's author whose stories are inspirational, moving and thought provoking.  This book is about 2 best friends in Gr.5 who have a wonderful teacher who everyday tells them that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.  The one girl is diagnosed with leukemia and at the same time the teacher falls ill as well.  As they each took a turn reading a page from the book and as the events unfolded I couldn't help but think that this author must have experienced cancer first hand because she was writing and expressing the emotions so accurately.  Only someone who has been through it or has helped a significant other would be able to depict those feelings and fears.  In fact, this story is about her daughter who was the best friend of the girl with leukemia and it is in fact a true story with a very happy ending.  Lots of tears shed that night but truly an amazing evening.  I am so blessed to have such amazing friends to sense and know that I needed a night of good company, reassurance, acknowledgement and courage to get me through the next hurdle- thank you!
Speaking of next hurdle- last week I started the drug tamoxifen which I will be taking for the next 5 years and then after that I go on a different drug for another 5 years.  This drug is an estrogen blocker and will further reduce the risk of the cancer coming back. 
I also begin radiation tomorrow.  I will be going 5 days a week for the next 6 weeks.  Seems like such a long time- 30 treatments in all.  I really can't wait till this is over.  I won't bother telling you about side effects right now. Don't really want to focus on that.  I am still waiting for my hair to start growing back- it has been a month since my last chemo session and there is no new growth- none.  I guess it will start soon so in the meantime I continue to wear hats and scarves.
Thats all for now!  I hope that everyone is doing well and finding some time to get outside and enjoy the nice weather when it makes an appearance.
Ciao!