Round Two is Good to Go!

So today my friend Amy and I went up to the hospital for my pre chemo visit.  First I had some blood tests done to determine if my red blood cells and white were at a good level so they could blast them again and a few other things that they check for.  After that we had an hour to kill so we went to Vincenzo's.  It felt great going out to eat and getting caught up with Amy.  We went back to the hospital and waited in the waiting room for awhile.  Took Amy on a little tour of the very nicely set up chemo suite.  Agnes, my nurse called me in and after talking about my hair for awhile she asks  me if I have been touching my face and if my hands are dirty.  I look in the mirror and my face is covered in black splotches.  She is laughing her head off as I am wiping my face! So I said to her "you know I am not ambarassed about the bald head but a dirty face???? and I went out for lunch???" No idea where the dirt came from.  Amy swears she didn't notice it, we think it might be my gloves because I was wiping tears off my face (from the cold).  I laughed so hard and then she goes and gets the doctor and I can hear them laughing about it in the hallway. 
So when that moment passed she told me that my blood tests look good.  The only strange thing was that my potassium levels are elevated so they want me to get another blood test tomorrow before chemo- but I am good to go.  She told me that the rash on my hands is probably a reaction to the meds and I will have to keep an eye on it and hope it doesn't get worse. The only way to lessen that would be to reduce the amount of meds and she doesn't want to do that.  She also told me that I should not be suffering in pain from the bone aches and from the Neulasta drug so she gave me a non narcotic pain killer that I take for 7 days starting Wednesday- hope it works because that really sucked.  I don't do well on Codeine which is why I wouldn't take anything but so glad to know there is another option for me.
All in all, she said that I am good to go and I will be halfway done! 
So tomorrow at 12:20 I begin round two.
Wish me luck!
Thanks so much Amy for coming with me today, you made it fun!!! 
I hear there is a snow storm coming, please wait till I get to the hospital!

The Punk Rock Me!

When I was in University I went through a punk rock phase- some of you might remember that!  I did the boy George look really well, half my head shaved very short the other long and a tail! 
Yesterday I decided that I didn't want to spend the next week chasing my hair around the house or tugging at it- bald patches were starting at the front.  So, I called my fantastic hair dresser at Shear Heaven and she took me right away.  As Ali began the buzzing I closed my eyes and just let her talk to me and do her magic on me.  She kept telling me that I can pull this look off- apparently, I have a nice shaped head- who knew????
When I looked in the mirror, first I was shocked at all the grey hair that she has been doing an amazing job of covering up with blonde and then I thought of my punk rock days.  My sister in law Annette thinks I should recreate that look from way back when-hmmmm?
I jokingly told the kids I was going to buy a leather harley davidson skull cap and do the hot biker mamma look.  In Jenna's words (once she closed her jaw) "that's a bit much don't you think?"
Who knew I would have so many looks to choose from?
Anyway, thank you Shear Heaven once again for your kindness, compassion and compliments!!!
Sarah took some pics of me, so this is me, for now.
So now I am lovingly known as "baldy" from my family and Maryanna too who called me that on the phone last night- it is what it is!!!

Bring out the Hats!

So this morning when I woke up Rick tugged on my hair as he has been doing for the past 13 days but today instead of saying "nope, nothing" he said "woah... look at that" and he had a mitt full of hair in his hand.  I was a little shocked and then did some pulling myself.  Yep, it started.
I think part of me was expecting that I would just wake up bald, would probably be alot easier and cleaner that way- but that is not how it happens.  So I grabbed a garbage bag and started tugging, I can't believe how quickly it is falling out.  Like pine needles on a Christmas tree. It is not a good idea to try to pull it out in the shower because it was very difficult trying to clean out the shower afterwards.  So I put on a little cotton cap that I got from the Look Good, Feel Better program and I went on with my day.  Except that every so often I would go to the bathroom and start tugging.
It's funny how much I look like my dad  and my brother Joe right now.  I have the receding hairline just like them and unfortunately my nose looks alot bigger! We all have the misfortune of inheriting my dad's rather large and crooked Roman nose!  The kids noticed that I look like them right away!  They seem to be okay with the whole losing the hair thing.  It is what it is.

Surprisingly, after the initial upset and cry I feel okay.  I knew it was coming and I guess if I put it in perspective, it will grow back and if it means the medicine is working, then so be it.  I am not happy about it (who would be?)but I have accepted  it and decided that I am just going to rock this look the best that I can.  And after deciding that, I did what I do best- I went shopping!  I bought some very cute hats, some funky scarves and a beautiful green silk scarf for my head. And some pretty earrings too now that my ears are there for all to see! Nothing like retail therapy to make a woman feel better!  I have replaced my shoe- aholic tendencies with scarves and hats-I didn't even go near the shoes!

I wonder what  I will look like tomorrow morning???

A Beautiful Quilt!

A few weeks ago I ran into an old friend Ros.  I haven't seen her in awhile.  She was a huge part of our lives for a long time as she babysat both Jake and Sarah for many, many years. She was a great sitter and we were very grateful. We got to talking and I shared my news with her.  Yesterday, she delivered the most beautiful quilt lovingly made by her mother and other women that belong to the Catholic Women's League of St. Mary's church in Owen Sound. They also belong to a group called "Prayers and Squares, the Prayer Quilt Ministry".  They make quilts for people who are going through a difficult time of one kind or another to comfort them.  As they make the quilt and tie on the knots, they pray, and then other people can continue to put knots in the quilt.  I was absolutely stunned. What a powerful gift!  It is so beautiful and the colours match perfectly with our house and so cozy!!!!  Once again, I am  filled with such emotion as we continue to be blessed by the kindness and compassion of others.  Thank you Ros for this incredible gesture and to your mom and the other women, what a wonderful thing they do by reaching out to others.  When I am through with treatment and this is behind us, the prayer quilt will hold a very special place in our home so that we can remember your kindness always. Wow!
On Friday, I went to UW for the WellFit program- thanks Sue for pointing me in the right direction.  It is an exercise program specifically designed for cancer treatment patients.  I was a little nervous going because after not being able to exercise for 4 months and having to put my gym membership on hold, I was pretty certain that they were going to tell me that I was completely out of shape- but they didn't!  So, now that I have had an assessment done, they set up a program that meets my needs and I start on Tuesday, going 2 times a week for 12 weeks.  It focusses on cardio and strength.  I am excited to start sweating again!

Have I told you about Peggy?  I met Peggy when I went to the "Look Good, Feel Better" workshop at the hospital.  I sat down beside her and her friend Bryn started talking to me.  I liked them right from the start and then when we found out we were all primary teachers- well now we are bonded for life!  I almost didn't go that day because I had just found out that morning that I needed chemo, so I was pretty upset.  Am I ever glad that I changed my mind.  Peggy has dark short hair with a cute wave going on.  When I looked away and then looked back she had replaced her hair with a hot pink bandana!!! I had no idea she was wearing a wig- they look that real!  I just did not see myself getting a wig until I looked at Peggy and  I thought "wow, maybe I will get one- I couldn't even tell!"  You look great both ways Peggy!!! Thanks for sitting beside me!
So now Peggy, Bryn and I email each other.  She just finished her 3rd round of chemo- she reacted so badly to the first drug she was on, but now we are keeping our fingers crossed that they got it right.  We are hoping to get together for a coffee (well, not coffee because neither one of us can stand the taste of coffee right now).  I will have to introduce her to Sue so we can all share stories and help each other through.  It makes a real difference when you are able to connect with people who are going or have gone through this.  A great book I am reading called "Crazy, Sexy Cancer Tips" by Kris Carr talks about the importance of creating a "Cancer Posse" and I think that is really important too.  I know that having Sue and my cousin Giovanna, Tiziana,my mother in law and now Peggy to talk to and share tips, be encouraged  and to trade valuable tricks of the trade is really helping.  So if you are reading this blog and you are also fighting this dragon then I would highly recommend getting your own posse- or joining ours- you are more than welcome!  I would also recommend that book, fabulous and funny!

Yesterday I went for coffee with my friend Paula- it was great to get out and have a laugh with a friend. She always has great stories to share and even brought pictures along to show!  It was nice seeing you again.  I guess we don't have to worry about being called sisters anymore now that our hair is soooo different.  I am looking forward to spending some time with my amazing friend Maryanna tomorrow!

Today I decided to go on the treadmill.  It felt great, I blasted my Ipod (I see hearing aids in my future) and I away I went- I even managed to run for a bit (very short bit).  It felt incredible to sweat and get those muscles moving again.  I cooled down singing along to my favourite song "Let It Be" - well, I must have been howling because Rick and Jake came running down the stairs to ask me if I was okay- they thought I was screaming.  So I may not be the best singer but boy did it feel good letting loose.  I could feel the endorphins helping join the fight to kill those nasty bad red blood cells!!!

Thank you to all of you who have helped us out the past few weeks (and many before that as well) with meals for us.  Words can not express how grateful we are.  We are blessed.

Mr. Sandman- where are you?

Today was a good day, and as I have learned very quickly- I embraced it!  I was given a book by Jenna's high school hockey coach a few weeks back that helped her through this and is now helping me.  It is called "Just Get Me Through This!"- that is a perfect name for a book because that is exactly how I feel!  In it she shares some tips to help you get through chemo and one of them is when you are feeling good to "get up, get dressed and get out" so that is what I did.
This morning I decided to get out so I went to go  get a few groceries.  Those of you who know me know that I am a bit of a germ freak and this has just graduated me to full fledged germ-a-phobe!  So, I was worried about going out so I protected myself very well.  I had on a big hat, scarf wrapped around my mouth and gloves on!!!  You should have seen the looks I was getting- it was actually quite funny!  A bit over the top? Maybe, but I did enjoy getting out- even if it was for a quick trip to the grocery store. Never in a million years would I have ever considered the thought of grocery shopping as exciting- but it was :)
So the meds are throwing my whole system out of whack- I can't sleep!  I lie awake for hours with my mind just whirring.  Not thinking about anything major or even worrying really- my brain won't shut off- it insists on having conversations with me through the whole night. Last night I contemplated getting up to make the kids lunches, but that passed very quickly, so I just lay there.  I did learn that Rick likes to sleep with a hoodie up around his head.  I never noticed that before.  I am hoping this passes soon because I can't nap either so by 7 at night I am pretty tired.  Maybe tonight I will watch tv- I wonder if there are any good shows on in the middle of the night? 
Did I mention that my dad has been in the hospital for the past few weeks?  He had a blood clot in his leg that erupted and they had to do some major surgery.  There have been some complications and they are waiting to see what to do next.  He is 82 years old. It has been a really difficult time for them because they are so far away and I have not been able to see them at all. I am thankful that my brother Franco lives close enough that he can check in on them and keep us all posted- thanks Frank, I love you ! And to my brother Settimio for going to spend the weekend with mom and taking good care of her- love you too! It has been very stressful on my mom who worries about me way too much.  I keep telling her not to worry, that I have an amazing group of friends, relatives, doctors and volunteers supporting me and it brings her comfort.  We would appreciate it if you could remember my parents in your prayers.
Jenna goes to University next year and she got her first offer tonight!  We were so excited!  It is not her first choice but we were thrilled just the same. We are keeping our fingers crossed that she hears soon from the one that counts in her books!  Hard to believe that my little baby is moving out- when she was about 6 years old she told me that she "would never, never, never leave you mommy- and when I get married he will come live with us" and I said to her that someday she might change her mind but I hoped she wouldn't.  That will be very hard saying good bye to the first born!
Thanks for the positive feedback on the Run for the Cure- looks like there will be  a Team Elena in Sudbury- thanks Fio and Ang!  And my staff is joining me- I am so lucky :)
Ciao for now!

Will you Run with Me?

I know it's been a week since my last post and I have been thinking about what to focus on and just wasn't sure.  I could focus on the incredibly hard week I have had, but I really didn't want to.  I could talk about the fact that I am never sure which part of my body is going to feel like it is stabbing me from the inside as if to say "what the hell are you doing to me?" Yeh, well, I could say the same thing!  So, I didn't want to focus on any of that because I didn't want to waste my energy so I waited until I felt better. 
Today, I feel better!  I even got dressed in real clothes and went out for a walk.  The cold felt awesome on my face, kind of slapped me back into the land of living.  The tylenol is finally helping with the pain and I am able to eat again, so today is a good day.
So here is what I would like to talk about today- yesterday I opened an email from my sister in law Lynn who told me that she is going to register us for "The Run for the Cure" on October 2nd.  It is a nationwide event and she is putting in a team called "Team Elena."  This is what she said;

"I have been thinking a lot about the Run for the Cure. That will be your day to shine. My plan is to have the biggest team in 'Run for the Cure' history. I have already started recruiting people. Which means there will be people part of your team that you may not know but will be running for you anyway. This is a nation wide event so we will get the word out to all your friends/family and their friends and family all over the country. You could even get Italy involved and we could be the first International team ever.  Was thinking "TEAM ELENA" but will use what ever name you choose.  just wanted to let you know that Oct 2nd will be your special day. A very very well deserved day. "

Well that was a wonderful email, just what I needed - some motivation to get me through the next while.  There is absolutely no pressure but if you are interested, I am getting the word out early. Wouldn't that be great if we really did make it the biggest team in history.  To all my friends and relatives from Montreal, Nova Scotia, Barrie, Muskoka, Toronto, Oakville, Burlington, North Bay, Sudbury, the States, Italy and even Malaysia (I have a follower there- dont know who it is as only the country shows up but I hope you are enjoying the blog!) my question is "Will you run with me?"
But you won't be running just for me, you will be running for someone you probably know that has been down this road or someone in the future that will have to take this darn journey.  Did you know that the GRRCC sees 300 patients a day and my radiation oncologist told me that he sees 10 new breast cancer patients a week??? That is absolutely crazy.
I am not sure how all the logistics work but I will keep you posted.

I found this video on you tube a few days before my first chemo.  I had forgotten that Melissa Etheridge wrote this song and I guess I never really listened to it before.  Talk about a change in perspective.  I am posting it for you to watch if you want. There are several versions on you tube- I really like one that has photos of people running but it also has photos of women with their scars and didn't feel comfortable putting that up on the blog so you can check out the others if you like- just search Melissa Etheridge- I Run for Life.   Still a very powerful video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgiwrvEX8wY

ONE DOWN!

So the steroids I am taking are making me a little jittery (pretty sure I mentioned that before) so I am going to write a little while I feel up to it.
Yesterday went well considering it was an extremely stressful day.  When Rick and I got to the Hospital I registered but then sat in the wrong waiting room so the nurse had to come find me- silly I know but with all my nerves frazzled I got a little freaked out and then when she asked about the meds I took that morning she looked at me funny and told me I took too many!!! Ok, that set me in panic mode.  Good thing it was the anti nausea pills I took too much of and not the steroids or I would be just flying.  So after she calmed me down and reassured me that everything was going to be okay we got started.  Her name was Debbie by the way and I think I got the best nurse there- although I am beginning to see that they are all amazing and so compassionate.  So she stayed by my side and made sure I was okay through the entire treatment which took about 4 hours to complete.  They ran 2 separate meds, the first one they had to run really slowly because it has a higher risk of people reacting to it (thus the steroids).  I seemed to be doing okay with that one and then the other one was ran after that.  I sucked on ice chips the whole time because there is a theory that doing that reduces the risk of nasty mouth sores- hope it works- that and rinsing with baking soda and water 5 times a day!
Rick was a real trooper, running to get me warm blankets and ice chips constantly- the nurse called him my little "gopher"- I just am a lucky girl to have him. 
Warm blankets really are the best thing, in fact I am snuggled up in the one Sue gave me in my chemo bag right now!  I did wear it Sue and I shared the wonderful story to all who would listen about what a great thing you did for me- I could feel the good vibes coming off of it :)
So it wasnt so bad after the initial freak out and they managed to find a vein that would co operate.  I  listened to my Ipod, chatted with the neighbours and got to know the nurses and the volunteers.  I tried to text but that's hard to do when one hand is not available.
Today the nurse came to give me my Neulasta shot- the pharmacist at the hospital who was giving me the low down of all the meds I need to take told me I am a lucky girl to be getting this.  I guess not everyone is covered for this injection because it costs $3000 for one injection! Thank goodness for Insurance coverage.  Neulasta is a white blood cell regenerator- so as I type, it is making its way into everyone of my bones and kicking the crap out of my bone marrow forcing it to make more white blood cells.  In about a week my white blood cells drop drastically and this injection will ensure that I have enough in my system to keep some immunity.  Science really is amazing! I am supposed to feel like I have been hit by a Mack truck by tomorrow- apparently tomorrow is the magic day to see how I feel.  It's when my body wakes up and takes notice of what has been happening.
I got an email today from an old friend who moved to Nova Scotia, so glad to hear from you Jack :)
Thank you so much to everyone for their continued support, prayers, emails , facebook messages and now bbm's too!

Nerves and I Am Blessed

Tomorrow is my first treatment of Chemo and I have been nervous about it all week but today I have the jitters- I am pretty sure it is the steroids that I had to take today and for the next 2 days.  Had a very busy day preparing and cleaning. 
I know that I have said over and over again how truly blessed I am and how overwhelmed (not sure if that's the right word, but its a good overwhelmed) by the generosity, kindness, compassion and love that keeps coming my way in so many different forms and gestures.  Lots of emails and well wishes and phone calls and I appreciate all of them, I really do.
Tonight my friend Amy and her daughter Liz popped in - they gave me the cutest set of casual clothes that I can wear tomorrow from "PINK"- so kind of you to be thinking about me it is exactly what I need- they are washed and folded and are on my bed waiting for tomorrow- I will put them on as soon as I get home from the hospital so I have very comfy and cute clothes to wear.! You are an amazing family!Thanks Amy, Walter, Chrissy, Meagan and Liz- I really do love them!  You guys are spoiling me and I am blessed to have you right next door to me!
Do you remember me telling you about my new and wonderful friend Sue? I met Sue at the prosthetic store and she also has (or should I say 'had') cancer and just recently had surgery herself.  She is done with her chemo (congratulations!) and so after Amy left the doorbell rang and there was Sue!!! She brought me her "chemo bag" with a wonderful fleece blanket and a stuffed bear and some tea inside of it, all with pink ribbon symbols on it.  Sue, I know how much that bag and its contents brought you great comfort and it will do the same for me.  Just knowing that someone else has been through this and has done so well will give me strength to get me through this.  Your hair looks awesome by the way and after you left the kids were all smiling and kept saying how nice that was of you - very true!
I also learned how to Skype tonight- talked to my friend Cheryl so she could see my new haircut!
Rick got me a blackberry so I can keep in touch with people from the hospital if I feel up to it- but I need to remember to bring my eyeglasses, I can't see the letters and the keypad is so small that my stubby thumbs keep messing up the letters :)
thanks to all of you for your prayers, thoughts, gestures and just for being you- I am really incredibly blessed and incredibly fortunate to have such an amazing circle of friends.

ps- I am not sure how the next few weeks will unfold so I think the best way is to communicate via email, it is something I can do easily enough.  I may not be up to taking phone calls but it is truly one day at a time right now.  A special thanks to my amazing friend Maryanna.  Maryanna is my Italian friend who has been with me every step of the way, from bringing me her wonderful homemade soup to bringing me a comfy white housecoat which has come in so handy!  I thank God that our girls reconnected on the soccer field 5 years ago after being friends in Kindergarten.  Our friendship was meant to be. Ti amo! Will be thinking of all of you and gaining strength from that.
Good night!
ps- Denise, I am sleeping on that pillowcase :)

A Good Day

So yesterday I went to get my hair cut.  I started off the day talking to my nurse oncologist from "CarePath" and she helped me to understand the meds a little better and went through some of the more common side effects of the drugs and what I need to know about them.  I know I have said it before, but this service really is fantastic and I am so lucky that my Union offers this- she calls once a week and goes over recent events and she also gets a copy of all of my pathology reports and then helps me decipher some of the vocabulary- they also have an oncologist that they talk to if I have questions that they can't answer. Everything she has said has been dead on with what the doctor's are saying and it's is a great reassurance for me.
Back to the haircut- my dear friend Cathy met me at the hairdresser's.  I am really glad she did because I am not sure I could have done this one alone.  Ali, my hairdresser started cutting and she did a great job of distracting me from what she was doing. I actually was very pleased with myself, I held it together.  She offered us wine but I said no ( I know, stupid eh)- but these days one glass sends me straight to feeling tipsy!
When I went to pay at front reception they told me that there was no charge for the haircut!  How sweet was that.  I was taken aback, I didn't expect that at all.  Ali has been my hairdresser for over a decade and before that was my colourist- so we have been together for almost 14 years- a long time.  Thank you Ali and Shear Heaven- that was such a sweet and kind gesture- thanks for making it so much easier for me to do and I do love the haircut, it's very cute- just very short and I miss my curls!  I will post a picture as soon as I can get one of the kids to download it for me.
After that we went to see Pat the wig lady.  It was very weird sitting in a chair trying on wigs.  I tried on short wigs, long haired wigs, straight, curly, brown, blonde, red... I tried on alot and some of them were just ugly on me!  With Cathy's help I decided on a wavy wig, with straight longer bangs.  Cathy said it looks alot like how I used to wear my hair just after Jake was born. 
I was dreading yesterday but with a little help from my friend and some very compassionate people I felt good.  I came home smiling to mixed reviews about my hair but the one comment that will stick is when Jake said to me after he had time to digest the new look "mom, it doesn't change who you are, you are still you"
Very sweet don't you think?

Hair Today- Gone tomorrow!

I know it's been awhile and honestly I haven't felt like posting until today.  This past week has been emotional as I met with surgical, medical and radiation oncologists.  I guess I should get used to spending most of my days at the hospital.  The bottom line is that both chemotherapy and radiation are in my future.  I begin chemotherapy next Tuesday at 9 am.  I will be taken a "T&C' cocktail which will take about 2 hours to administer through intravenous drip.  I will be getting treatments every 3 weeks for 4 rounds altogether- although the timeline is really dependent on how I feel, react to the medicine and general health.  I guess they monitor me pretty closely.  I have to start steroids the day before- that's to suppress the system so that I don't get an allergic reaction and then I start the anti nausea pills the same day.  Two days after treatment a CCAC nurse comes to administer a white blood booster injection.  The pharmacist freaked me out yesterday when he told me that they only come the first time to show me how to do it myself and then I have to do the other ones- I am sure he could tell I was totally not impressed, not sure how I am going to do that without passing out- anyone willing to do that for me???  Maybe this will be Jenna's chance to see if she is cut out to be a doctor!   After chemo is all done I get a little break of about a month and then I delve into radiation.  That will be 5 days a week for 5 weeks.  So, all in all we are hoping to be done by June.

The only side effect that I know for sure will happen is that I will lose my hair.  I would be lying if I said I was not upset about losing my hair.  I love my hair, I have never wanted to change the wave or wish for straight hair, I just really like my hair.  I was told it will probably grow back grey and the texture will be completely different.  I know it's easy to say it's just hair and look at the trade off,but it really sucks. Tomorrow I am going to it cut very short and then I made an appointment with Pat, the famous wig lady among cancer patients.  I had heard her name many times in the past few months but Tuesday I met Pat when I went to the "Look Good, Feel Better Program."  What a great program, met some great people going through their own struggles and got a fantastic box of amazing skin products and make up. 

So yesterday as I was sitting on the couch in my house coat feeling sorry for myself and having a bad day my wonderful friend and colleague  Denise popped over to deliver the most fantastic and hilarious gift- a pair of full  size pink boxing gloves!  My entire staff signed the gloves and wrote down inspirational quotes and kick ass comments.  I am going to take them with me to my first day of chemo!!!  What a great idea- thank you so much!  Loved seeing Stella and Nill at the game today- it was so nice seeing you again!

Get them checked!

A great website I want to share with all of you.  It's American but it has a great video and a reminder to all that you need to get those girls checked on a regular basis.  How lucky are we that we live in a country where we can go and get one as needed and don't need to pay.  Make sure you click to give a woman in need in the States access to a free mammogram and enjoy the video.  Thanks Denise for reminding me about this website- it is great!  Thanks also for the chat today, I loved it :)

To get to the video, click on the link below then click to give a free mammogram and then it will take you to another page and scroll down, there is a you tube video called "click for your mamma"

http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=2

This is a cute video too!
http://pinkglovedance.com/