Round 3 is done. It was a very long day yesterday at the hospital, extra busy because Monday was a holiday and normally I would have all the pre blood work and appt with my MO on that day but everything happened yesterday. To say that I was DREADING yesterday would be an understatement,but between "my sister from another mother!" sharing the day with me and a very good and reassuring discussion with Dr. Campbell and my nurse Agnes, I felt less anxious as the day progressed and the chemo treatment itself went well except for the poor nurse who somehow got some of that poison on her hands- I bet she was hoping she had put her gloves on!
I should preface what I am going to write about by telling you that Round 2 was very rough for me. It was an extreme emotional roller coaster, lots of weeping (sometimes over the silliest things), mood swings, mixed with extreme fatigue, general malaise and some side effects that had me really concerned. So I found myself cocooning and becoming an introvert, something that is not really me but I know now that is what I needed to get me through this and make sure that I could be fully there for the kids when they got home. Even though I don't think I am doing a great job of that either but we keep talking about it and reassuring them that this is temporary and it is the crazy meds doing this to me! So I had alot of questions for my MO and lots to talk about!
Ok, here we go. My "sis" picked me up at 9:30 and off we went to blood work first then down to the cafeteria because we had some time till my MO appt. It was so great catching up on what's been going on in her world. I did alot of listening because my world is pretty small right now and it feels good to listen to what's going on in the outside world. She kept me entertained all day-except I think I drove her nuts because my "chemo brain" (yes it is actually a side effect that causes word retrieval, memory issues, a short attention span and difficulty following conversations) kept making me ask her to repeat parts of her stories so I could follow- but then again maybe it's just because she was being very long winded and really can talk alot!!!! :)
I started off the day wearing a beautiful knit hat that my sister in law made for me but I took it off because it was so hot, so even though I didn't really take notice of the fact that I was walking around bald a woman in the waiting room did. She came up to me and told me that she thinks that I am really brave for feeling totally comfortable not wearing a wig, hat or a scarf. She could never bring herself to do that because she always feels so self conscious and she congratulated me. Funny, I don't see myself as being brave but more of just "why hide it?" In my mind hiding it is keeping the "cancer is a bad word" mentality. I want to take the monster out of it for my kids and let them know that this is a part of the journey and it will grow back and why hide it? But I also understand how some people see it differently because there is one thing I learned, each person I have met have are dealing with this however they need to to get them through this. She is also battling breast cancer, Stage 3 and metastasized. So I thanked her and told her that I feel comfortable not wearing a wig for now. I may change my mind at some point but for now I wear funky hats and have some scarves ready for the nice weather. I ran into her again after my MO appt and she came up and gave me a hug and we wished each other luck. She also told me that maybe she might try going bald for awhile and see if it sits well with her. I hope that I see her again, I would like to ask her to be a part of our cancer posse, she was there by herself and that had to have been hard on her.
Funny story #1
I shared with her that I hadn't tried my Rick on for wig and so on Sunday he asked to see it. So as I put it on I decided to brush it to try to take the poofy out of it and the brush got caught in the wig and both brush and wig went flying across the room! We had a good laugh over that and I thought, one big wind and that thing is going to fly off my head!!!
Then they called me for my appt with Dr.Campbell and Agnes and she first told me my blood work was good to go and chemo will happen. Then, with me crying like a baby I shared with her the events of the past 3 weeks and we had a very frank discussion about all of my side effects. She gave me new meds for my mouth infection that has now gone systemic. The problem is that I have no good flora left in my body and I can't take any kind of probiotics because they don't want any live bacteria in me- so I am on a 12 day pill prescription that I am really hoping does the trick. Then we talked about my mood swings and the weeping and she said to me that the "horrific" drugs that I am taking are robbing me of estrogen and estrogen is our feel good hormone so it's no wonder that I am feeling that way and it will get better eventually but it will take some time. I was glad to hear that because I am not going crazy, crazy but chemo crazy and I am going to hang on to that when it hits again. She also said something very interesting about her perspective on cancer treatments and said that in 30 years doctors are going to look back on how we treated cancer now and say how barbaric the treatment was. Just like they are looking back now at the treatments from as little as 15 years ago. She fully believes that there will be a vaccine by then that will prevent all this- isn't that amazing, not soon enough for me but good news for the kids. We also talked about what will happen after radiation with other options for me to bring down the percentages for me but we agreed that we can't worry about that right now, first things first.
Funny story #2
So then I shared with her about my chemo brain and I shared this story. Rick was going to go grocery shopping so I made a list and off he went. When he came home he reread my list to me and scattered throughout the list I had written down "carrots" at least 5 times. We had a good laugh and I said to him "well I hope with all those reminders you actually got them"- because he does tend to miss things on the list! So the next day I go to get the carrots from the fridge and they weren't there! He didn't buy them. Carolyn and Agnes had a great laugh over that but the best part is when I got home Rick was checking the answering machine and there was a message from "Carolyn Campbell reminding Rick to make sure that on the way home he picks up some carrots for me because she knows I wrote it down on the list several times so I would really like some carrot!" Oh my God so funny, Rick had the funniest look on his face, shook his head and said "women." Do I not have the best doctor? Who else would take the time out of her day to make us smile!!!
Okay, I am done. I need to eat something and then go rest before the nurse comes to inject me with the magic potion that is going to build up my white blood cells. Not sure how the week will go with me but will try to post if I can.
Ciao for now
I should preface what I am going to write about by telling you that Round 2 was very rough for me. It was an extreme emotional roller coaster, lots of weeping (sometimes over the silliest things), mood swings, mixed with extreme fatigue, general malaise and some side effects that had me really concerned. So I found myself cocooning and becoming an introvert, something that is not really me but I know now that is what I needed to get me through this and make sure that I could be fully there for the kids when they got home. Even though I don't think I am doing a great job of that either but we keep talking about it and reassuring them that this is temporary and it is the crazy meds doing this to me! So I had alot of questions for my MO and lots to talk about!
Ok, here we go. My "sis" picked me up at 9:30 and off we went to blood work first then down to the cafeteria because we had some time till my MO appt. It was so great catching up on what's been going on in her world. I did alot of listening because my world is pretty small right now and it feels good to listen to what's going on in the outside world. She kept me entertained all day-except I think I drove her nuts because my "chemo brain" (yes it is actually a side effect that causes word retrieval, memory issues, a short attention span and difficulty following conversations) kept making me ask her to repeat parts of her stories so I could follow- but then again maybe it's just because she was being very long winded and really can talk alot!!!! :)
I started off the day wearing a beautiful knit hat that my sister in law made for me but I took it off because it was so hot, so even though I didn't really take notice of the fact that I was walking around bald a woman in the waiting room did. She came up to me and told me that she thinks that I am really brave for feeling totally comfortable not wearing a wig, hat or a scarf. She could never bring herself to do that because she always feels so self conscious and she congratulated me. Funny, I don't see myself as being brave but more of just "why hide it?" In my mind hiding it is keeping the "cancer is a bad word" mentality. I want to take the monster out of it for my kids and let them know that this is a part of the journey and it will grow back and why hide it? But I also understand how some people see it differently because there is one thing I learned, each person I have met have are dealing with this however they need to to get them through this. She is also battling breast cancer, Stage 3 and metastasized. So I thanked her and told her that I feel comfortable not wearing a wig for now. I may change my mind at some point but for now I wear funky hats and have some scarves ready for the nice weather. I ran into her again after my MO appt and she came up and gave me a hug and we wished each other luck. She also told me that maybe she might try going bald for awhile and see if it sits well with her. I hope that I see her again, I would like to ask her to be a part of our cancer posse, she was there by herself and that had to have been hard on her.
Funny story #1
I shared with her that I hadn't tried my Rick on for wig and so on Sunday he asked to see it. So as I put it on I decided to brush it to try to take the poofy out of it and the brush got caught in the wig and both brush and wig went flying across the room! We had a good laugh over that and I thought, one big wind and that thing is going to fly off my head!!!
Then they called me for my appt with Dr.Campbell and Agnes and she first told me my blood work was good to go and chemo will happen. Then, with me crying like a baby I shared with her the events of the past 3 weeks and we had a very frank discussion about all of my side effects. She gave me new meds for my mouth infection that has now gone systemic. The problem is that I have no good flora left in my body and I can't take any kind of probiotics because they don't want any live bacteria in me- so I am on a 12 day pill prescription that I am really hoping does the trick. Then we talked about my mood swings and the weeping and she said to me that the "horrific" drugs that I am taking are robbing me of estrogen and estrogen is our feel good hormone so it's no wonder that I am feeling that way and it will get better eventually but it will take some time. I was glad to hear that because I am not going crazy, crazy but chemo crazy and I am going to hang on to that when it hits again. She also said something very interesting about her perspective on cancer treatments and said that in 30 years doctors are going to look back on how we treated cancer now and say how barbaric the treatment was. Just like they are looking back now at the treatments from as little as 15 years ago. She fully believes that there will be a vaccine by then that will prevent all this- isn't that amazing, not soon enough for me but good news for the kids. We also talked about what will happen after radiation with other options for me to bring down the percentages for me but we agreed that we can't worry about that right now, first things first.
Funny story #2
So then I shared with her about my chemo brain and I shared this story. Rick was going to go grocery shopping so I made a list and off he went. When he came home he reread my list to me and scattered throughout the list I had written down "carrots" at least 5 times. We had a good laugh and I said to him "well I hope with all those reminders you actually got them"- because he does tend to miss things on the list! So the next day I go to get the carrots from the fridge and they weren't there! He didn't buy them. Carolyn and Agnes had a great laugh over that but the best part is when I got home Rick was checking the answering machine and there was a message from "Carolyn Campbell reminding Rick to make sure that on the way home he picks up some carrots for me because she knows I wrote it down on the list several times so I would really like some carrot!" Oh my God so funny, Rick had the funniest look on his face, shook his head and said "women." Do I not have the best doctor? Who else would take the time out of her day to make us smile!!!
Okay, I am done. I need to eat something and then go rest before the nurse comes to inject me with the magic potion that is going to build up my white blood cells. Not sure how the week will go with me but will try to post if I can.
Ciao for now
You did so GREAT yesterday, Elena!! I hear you on the chemo brain thing...isn't it the worst? Of course, Matt wonders what I'm going to blame my absent mindedness on in the future....
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